Chapter 2.0b : A knock-back to reality ...

I guess that this is it. The friendship that we've established for so long, will now come to an end. Through thick and thin, we held on, but I guess it's time to let go right? I did everything I could to hold on, but I was shoved aside. Now what we once had, is now nothing but utter ruin. My strength wanes and spirit crumbles. All there's left is a mindless body, living through each miserable day alone. I doubt that I can still hang on ...

I made my honest apologies, I said my sorries with sincerity. But I guess it wasn't enough. I held on for as long as I could. I waited as long as I could bear. But I guess I was the fool to have done so. I must be an idiot to have held on.

What lies ahead I cannot foresee. The thought of walking through it dampens my spirit, for I am now alone. Dumped, abandoned and ignored. I am lost and I cannot go home. Now I have no one to turn to, no one to speak to, no one to ...

It is clear now where faith is guiding me to, a path of loneliness and sorrow. No one escapes faith so they say, guess I'm no exception right? Then let me fall into this pit which I was ment to fall into. Let me dive into the abyss before me, for what I shall see below, I could not imagine. I shall fall with a dwindling brave heart and hoping that one day, someone would reach out to me once more ...

I guess this is it. This is the end of our friendship. It's too late to turn back now, for there's nothing left for me now. I just want to let you know that I'll still be there for you, no matter what. Alright now, I guess this is it ... good bye then ... ... my dear friends ...

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So in the end, I'll be what I will be.
No loyal friend was ever there for me.
Now we say good bye
We say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame
And you will weep
When you face the end alone
You are lost, you can never go home
You are lost, you can never go home

Emiliana Torrini

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Chapter 6.1 : Crossroads

I'm standing on a platform with room just enough for me to stay still, or move forward. Five paths lay before me, each leading in different directions. Some edges seem to crumble at the slightest pressure, while others seem strudy and firm. Some seem to wind and bend, while others seem straight and easy. Reveiling only the journey's start, a cloud of mist seem to shroud the end. Which path shall i journey into? For all i know, there's no turning back.

A path, stony and rough the path seems yet firm. The air was silent and still and I could only hear myself breathing heavily. Somehow my mind can't seem to bypass it. The path which I long to pace on since I realised what I like and what i'm good at. The path seem long and never ending. The journey seem stressful and perilous. But somehow, deep in my heart, I know that i'll like the end. But what if the end was not what i've expected it to be? What if I fall blindly into the abyss below and there's no one to cath my fall? Will my dream stay as a dream or will this path lead me on to something which i've always awaited for?

Painted with the brightest and livelest colours i've ever seen, this path is definately a road not to be behold. A faint glow of light it sends. The light touches my face as if a pair of arms taking me in. The path however seem frail and wobbly. The voices of my friends called out in a fun and welcoming tone. My heart seem to be lured by the light and the voices, but my mind paralysed my body. I hesitated. Shall I leap onto this path so that I can be with my friends? Shall I step onto this road so that I will feel belonged and maybe even happy at the end?

Lit with light which I was once drawn to, it felt like a bee drawn to his honey. The path sends the sweet scent of the blooming flowers of spring. The land was covered with thick lush which seem so soft to touch. The wind was calm and the air grew warm. I feel refreshed, suddenly having a meaning to live my life. The voices within the blinding light was of laughter and joy. The path winds occasionally but its foundation was of a mystery, for the soft grass has veiled them. Should I venture into such a territory to enjoy the gifts which are laid before me? Could my life be filled with joy which I long to grab a hold of?

Remote and sunny the other appears. Not a voice nor a sound could be heard. The path was rocky but smooth. The air was thick and hot. The Sun shone its burning rays upon the dry and forsaken land. I could see nothing there, alive. The whispers of the wind spoke softly in my ears as the desert sand blew past me. When my mind decided to turn form that path, my nose detected a faint and light stench of flora. My ears heard the gentle drippings of a waterfall. Such delights disguised at the end of the road, could I be fooled by what wasn't there but only on my mind?

I took a breath of the cold air and clamed myself, pondering over the paths before which I could'nt decide. What should I do? Which path should I take? Will I be facing joy or darkness at the end of the road? How do I decide?

Chapter 2.0a : I'll be there for you ...

Everyone has a dream. A dream that we chose and would love to pursue. You feel the need to get to them. You want to get to them. You feel empty without them. As the days pass, you think, work and long for that dream to come true. Chasing your dream, you would do everthing and anything to get it. The thought of it urges you to press on. Pressing into uncharted waters and shoving aside the hands which was once the one's which you loved.

Finally you got what you have longed seek. You've got the dream, the one dream which you've longed dreamt of. The joy and happiness cannot be explained. You've risen from the dark tunnel in which you have long stuck in. You feel the crowds cheering for you from all sides, all over the world. You feel that there's nothing in this world that you can't afford to get. You feel at the top of the world, at the peak of the mountain. The world is nothing more but a place to fulfill your daily pleasures.

As time passes, you'll find that your empty once again. You've gained all that you've ever wished for. Be it fame, money or greed. But there is no one to share it with. The people which you've once loved has been cast aside. You've lost track of what is important in life, the simple things in life. You've lost your family and your dearest friends, the ones which you love. You've lost the true meaning in life. Friends that stood by you through tough times. The family which supported everthing which you do. They fill your life with warmth and hope. They'll always be there to make you smile when your down. They stand by you no matter what. They wish you the best and respects you for who you really are. But now you're lost, alone, empty. You are lost and can never go home.

At the end of the day, you realised something. There are two greatest tragedy in life. One is to gain what you want, and one is to lose what you wanted. Sometimes life seem just unfair. But we only live once, one life, one chance. Live your life the way in which you'll have no regrets. Live it to fullest, with your friends and with you family.

One thing that i've learnt from my life so far, is to appreciate the simple yet subtle things in life; your family and friends. They are the ones that stood by you every step of the way. They stood by you no matter what. They accepted who you really are, be it good or bad. They smiled and joked about each other, but forgave and forgotten so that we could be friends again. These are the simple things which are important in life, even more then some dream of yours. These are the thing which meant something in life, what life is all about.

I know that i've screwed up as a friend and I admit and apologise for that. I know it's too late for this but I just wanted to do so. You've every reason to be pissed at me, but I could'nt turn back time as well. I was wasted then and I regret for how I treated you guys then. I was a fool, an idiot, a scum. I just could'nt bear to accept that you guys are leaving, after all that we've been through and now .. you're leaving, just like that. It was hard for me to accept, it never is easy. Now that i've realised and accepted what you guys really mean to me, I really regret for what i've done, said and acted. I'm not asking for much, only to be your friend once more. Please, forgive me ...

I just want to tell my friends that i'll always be there for you, even if I don't understand it. I'll be there for you no matter what. I promise ...

Chapter 6.0 : The search goes on ...

The Sun darkens as darkness stretched its heartless hands around the skies. The stars faded and the gentle glow of the full Moon soon vanished. The air grew freezing cold as a veil of mist slowly shroud the land far away. The leaves of the trees swayed and left with the wind, while the flowers on the earth lost its beautiful petals. The sky flashed lines of terror as it roared and rumbled in the darkened sky. The calm waters turned into a sea of death as its waves devoured the lands. The land was bare and lonely, not a life could be seen, felt or heard. The ground shakes like the very thum of a drum beat. The mist soon got heavy as my vision failed me.

Cursed with darkness and sorrow, my strength wanes and my spirit left me. The very meaning and essence of life has been taken from me. My knees weakens as I fell to the rocky ground. Water flowed reluctanly from my eyes as my breath grew short. Looking to the skys, I prayed and I wished. Hoping to see the light again ...