Chapter 3.0a : Safeguard ...

The warmth which you once gave me have faded,
for now my heart and life is tainted.
The cold now that I feel is colder than any ice,
some how I wish I could forget the lies.

Everyday now turned to be a gamble,
it is you that make my mind tremble.
Rain or shine there you will be,
one way or another I will unfortunately see.

Close the Doors and shut the crap,
bar the the Gates and seal the gap.
Bring out your armour and gather your courage,
draw your shield and hope you will manage.

Fight with a wondering mind,
stand with the strength within.
Fight with a broken sword,
stand with the grit within.

Long and treacherous it will be,
it may rise a blood of sea.
Merciless and pointless it may seem,
childish and foolish you may deem.

Destiny brought us for a purpose,
or was it just another careless.
Prepare for battle the hour has come,
for all I know I cannot succumb.

Chapter 6.5 : Fatal bonds ...

Friends are the people which we hang around with. Friends are the people which we spent most of our time with. Friends are the people which we smile and frown with. Friends are the people which gave you a reason to go school. Friends are the people which watch your back while you watch theirs. Friends are the people which you suffer and enjoy with. Friends are the people which waits for you. Friends are the people which are always there when you need them. Friends are the people which never let you cry alone. Friends are the people which stands by you no matter what. Friends are the people which makes you feel good. Friends are the people which abolishes our fear. Friends are the people which is happy for you when you are happy. Friend are the people who are willing to sacrifice for you. Friends are the people which you can trust.

Friends are the ones which makes us fell left out. Friends are the ones which makes us suffer inside out. Friends are the ones which makes us hate ourselves. Friends are the ones which destroys our moods. Friends are the ones which tarnishes our reputation. Friends are the ones which make us feel stupid. Friends are the ones which makes us feel dissapointed. Friends are the ones which tears our pride. Friends are the ones which instill new fear upon us. Friends are the ones which makes life feel meaningless. Friends are the ones which kills our sanity. Friends are the ones which makes us worry sick. Friends are the ones which ignores you. Friends are the ones which makes you feel isolated. Friends are the ones which adds a neverending burden to our shoulders. Friends are the ones which makes us feel mad. Friends are the ones which makes us mad. Friends are the ones which cripple our life. Friend are the ones which hurt you deeply. Friends are the ones which betray your trust.

Chapter 2.2 : Sensitivity ...

The mind, the very mechanism which drives our thoughts and actions. The mind is said to be the very power which allows us to be the dominate species since the Elder days. Allowing us to outsmart, outwit and outlast one another, even our own.

Personality is what seperates us humans from each other. Cool, hot, funky, clever, sensitive or even stupidity is what difines what you are. Each with its own pros and cons, we can be an obvious friend to one while a fearful foe to another.

Thinking before you speak, will allow you to never start a misunderstanding. Thinking further and more than the others allows you to outsmart another. Feeling the extra joy and pleasure when you are happy. Thinking of other's thoughts while preparing for your next move will allow you to be more favourable. Yes, these are the qualities of a sensitive person. Many say that a sensivity person is a charming person, while others say that it is nothing more than a blessing. Somehow, I think otherwise.

Thinking way too much could lead to a confused and messed up mind. Everytime someone points their finger at you or utter foul languages at you, you'll be deeply wounded and greatly weakened. Lashed with merciless insults, one will be greatly wounded instantly. If you're luck holds, it will be healed by the next day; but that rarely happens. Everytime your friend refuses to reply your messages or talks to another while your in the middle of your conversation, it will leave you thinking. Thinking, is what you will do the whole day. Thinking about what went wrong, what was he or she trying to imply, what was his intentions, why are you being treated like this? This usually causes unintentional conflicts and arguments between friends which you will greatly regret later. This will strain even the strongest friendship and crumble the fragile minds.

I see no blessing for being sensitive, but only a curse. Clinging on to a weakening courage, it will be hard to move on, but somehow you must ...

Chapter 2.1 : Shadowed reality ...

A realm, this realm is a place where I have to stay for a while. The beings are very different from each other. Some stood out from the crowd, appealing, courageous, boastful, smart or even for their stupidity. Others were quiet, shy, shadowed or just being ignored. Bonds and ties quickly formed given time to socialise.

All seem happy and jolly ... or is this just another illusion ?

The Council are wise and cunning. Spilling their knowledge is what they do best. Expecting and forcing us to do as they bid is their upperhand. We have no right, we have no say. Some are tricky and sly, while others are mindful and giving. What is yet to come from them is unpredictable, only to carelessly or carefully embrace them. Beware of their hidden intentions ...

We may breathe the same air, wear the same uniforms and speak a common language, but not all of us have the same thoughts ... not all ...

Fingers, gazes and foul languages are lashed mercilessly into the very hearts of the guilty ... and the innocent. Hatred is instilled into everyone's hearts, be it for the same or the other. Vengence and revenge is on the minds of the angered. While others pretend that all seem well and gay. Cross fires can be seen and felt by both eye and skin. A wrong move could cause your fall to be a fatal one. Volleys of piercing arrows flew from both ends. Red and dark are the skies. The Earth trembles. The air is poisoned by the blood of the fallen and screams filled the air.

How do one survive this ordeal? How do one stay strong and calm in such a situation? How do one keep fighting in such a place? Where am I? Why am I here? How did I get here? What have I done? Someone help me .... please ....

Chapter 6.4 : Clear skies ...

The Sun and Clouds brightens the day,
while the Moon and Star lit the way.
Dark have been my dreams of late,
how I wish it can be unmade.

Classes and lectures are long and dry,
somehow I wish that I could fly.
In the cold that I must sit,
but somehow my body and soul was not fit.

Hope faded and Darkness reigned,
twisting and bending my life they concluded.
The will to hang on came to a halt,
somehow I know that it was my fault.

Gathered by faith or destiny,
we veiled our pride and dignity.
Though we come from different end,
a message or two that we will send.

We had each others back covered,
no chance nor hope to be disembowelled
We shared joy and laughter,
we suffered and encouraged one another.

Soon Light pierced through the Shadow,
showering me with warmth and mellow.
Sorry for the troubles and case,
and thank you for your grace.

Chapter 6.3b : The first step ...

The morning was dull and damp. The air was cold and still. My body was recovering from slumber while my mind was holding me back. The very thought of what is about to come brought chills down my spine. Dressing into gear and packing whatever courage I could find was all I have. Then my journey began ...

The clouds concealed the Sun and the clear sky. The wind was cold and every breath I took seem to be a problem. Reaching the very gates of doom, I could only seek solitude. Unknown beings passes by me like spirits of a nether realm. A familiar voice greeted me as I smiled and said my greetings and I proceeded into the very gates of Hades.

Guided by faith or just mere coincidence, I bumped into three unknowns. One was troubled while two were misguided. Handing them a script of enlightenment, they unlocked the Gates of Hades. Being somehow dragged into it with them. I clung onto my failing courage as I followed the two strangers reluctantly.

Being offered a sit which I could not refuse, I accepted it. Keeping my eyes to myself, I kept myself busy with nothing. A feeling, a strange feeling I felt. Whispers and gazes flashed on and off like a lonely lighthouse. The teacher came with a speech which she presented. It was nothing more but the rules which I had to bid to stay within. Suddenly, an introdution began. The heartless eyes focused on one after another like bees drawn to its honey as the list slowly descent. Scared and stunned, I hesitated and took desperate breathes of the cold air.

When the time came, my mind was in a mess. My voice was blur and my knees were weak. Their glares turned into arrows pointing right at my neck. Their voices became poison to my thoughts. Their movements made tremours onto the Earth. Struggling through the endless questions, I put up a fake smile as I sat down and returned to my thoughts; ignoring whatever that breathes around me.

The day was the longest of my life. The questions were nothing of those which I could have forseen. The reactions was unbelievable. The glares were unblockable. The thoughts were nothing more then doubts and confusion. Troubled and weakened, I wished nothing more than to flee from the very scene. But I did'nt.

What held me back is the gentle warmth which I was given. The simplest smile or the shortest conversation changed the entire scene. A light nod or the slightest reaction made me think twice. Yes, I admit that I fear for what is to come, but somehow, I know that I will not regret confronting it. I shall stay strong ...

Chapter 6.3a : The first breath ...

The weather was fine for the Sun again did not fail to shine. The sky was clear and the air was still. A long journey I took and now before me stood before a gateway. The gateway calls for me and my heart yearns to step through it, but something was holding me back. The courage which I had before has turn into dust and the fear within me grew out of control. My legs failed me and the heat of the battle forced sweat to slip down my troat. Who can I turn to? No, I am alone and this is my fight. Turning to the sky and embracing the Sun once again, I regained me strength and finally walked through the door.

I was sent into another dimension. A place which I could not recall. There are faces, faces with I could not recognise. Some wandered around with fearful faces while others ignored my exsistence. The place was cold, colder then the winds from either poles. The air was tense and every breathe is now a struggle. My courage waned and the seed of Fear prospered once again. Its roots harboured into my soul as it paralysed my mind. Its leaves grew into my thoughts and weakened my body. Its flowers bloomed all over as it slowly drained whatever courage that was left in me. The hope with I once beheld has vanished, for now my visions has turned into dreadful memories. No, I am alone and this is my fight.

Even in the darkest moments courage and strength can prevail some say. And that is what I held onto. Holding desprately to them, I endured the darkness which fed mercilessly on me. And true enough, the passing of time made the shadow past as the light claimed its place within once more.

I have endured this terror onced, but I doubt I could do it again. No, I am alone and this is my fight. The Light, give me strength ... .. .

Chapter 4.0 : A hand to aid ...

The clouds were grey and the land is wet,
I was brought back to life again with no bet.
The air was cold and my body was weak,
but my mind was somehow at its peak.

The floor was damp with countless puddles,
but the Sun gave us a nice warm cuddle.
Our spirits were lifted,
and our strength rejuvenated.

Quickly we came into battle,
but neither ends were not ready to settle.
Finally we gave in,
and took no heed to our sin.

We energized through food and drink,
and so we sat to listen and think.
We pondered over life stories,
while we stoned and said our sorries.

A sad tale I was told,
it was one which I could behold.
I offered my hand of aid,
but I guess it was too afraid.

Expressing in the most unpredictable way,
somehow I could see it sway.
The sorrows are stacking,
and its resistance is failing.

How I wish I could help,
for somehow I could hear it yelp.
To make things once again even,
if only a chance I was given.

Chpater 5.0 : Realisation

The Earth rotates endlessly, like an endless battles which we have to fight reluctantly. The need for money to purchase. The need for fame to feel confident. The need for music to groove with. The need for the internet for games and leisure. The need for education to get a grip of the future. The need for friends to feel belonged to. The need for love to be comforted. The need for family to feel safe. The need for air to feel alive.

Everyday we wake up to carry out an unpleasurable cycle so unnoticable that we do not even know it's there. Everday we search endlessly for what we have longed seeked for. Everyday we blindly follow the flow of evolution. Everyday we seek the same cure for our aches and pains. Everday we sleep on the same bed. Everyday we breathe the same polluted air.

Through time, we manipulate one another to overtake them. Through time, we trick our way through homeworks and tests. Through time, we lie to each other so that we would not be lonely anymore. Through time, we backstab each other to see the other suffer while we stand triumphant. Through time, we swindled foolish souls to satisfy our greed. Through time, we hope to cheat death for as long as we can. Through time, we deceive ourselves that we are happy.

In the end, we find out that we can't mend our mistakes. In the end, we see that we are nothing more but savages. In the end, we accept that friends are nothing more then an illusion of evil. In the end, we realise that our lives are filled with lies and deceit. In the end, we realise that life is meanlingless. In the end, we are alone. In the end, we die alone.

Chapter 6.2 : Reinforcing ...

Through these times, I've built a wall which runs so high.
I worked day and night without a sigh.
Everyday I look into the pale blue sky,
as I watch the clouds roll by.

As months past by my wall grew thick,
harder and stronger then any brick.
While the Sun showered me with light,
the Moon reveals a world of twilight.

Spears and arrows shall not pass,
a waste of time for those who does.
Concealed within I stand strong,
for I will defend it for long.

No force to wound me,
no words to hurt me.
No threats to shower me,
no sorrows to haunt me.

My wounds have yet to heal,
I don't expect you to feel.
My strength has yet to return,
and I do not expect your concern.

I made my stand and I will not falter,
you shall not make me weaker.
I stood by my word regardless the outcome,
and I shall always overcome.

Chapter 2.0b : A knock-back to reality ...

I guess that this is it. The friendship that we've established for so long, will now come to an end. Through thick and thin, we held on, but I guess it's time to let go right? I did everything I could to hold on, but I was shoved aside. Now what we once had, is now nothing but utter ruin. My strength wanes and spirit crumbles. All there's left is a mindless body, living through each miserable day alone. I doubt that I can still hang on ...

I made my honest apologies, I said my sorries with sincerity. But I guess it wasn't enough. I held on for as long as I could. I waited as long as I could bear. But I guess I was the fool to have done so. I must be an idiot to have held on.

What lies ahead I cannot foresee. The thought of walking through it dampens my spirit, for I am now alone. Dumped, abandoned and ignored. I am lost and I cannot go home. Now I have no one to turn to, no one to speak to, no one to ...

It is clear now where faith is guiding me to, a path of loneliness and sorrow. No one escapes faith so they say, guess I'm no exception right? Then let me fall into this pit which I was ment to fall into. Let me dive into the abyss before me, for what I shall see below, I could not imagine. I shall fall with a dwindling brave heart and hoping that one day, someone would reach out to me once more ...

I guess this is it. This is the end of our friendship. It's too late to turn back now, for there's nothing left for me now. I just want to let you know that I'll still be there for you, no matter what. Alright now, I guess this is it ... good bye then ... ... my dear friends ...

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

So in the end, I'll be what I will be.
No loyal friend was ever there for me.
Now we say good bye
We say you didn't try

These tears you cry
Have come too late
Take back the lies
The hurt, the blame
And you will weep
When you face the end alone
You are lost, you can never go home
You are lost, you can never go home

Emiliana Torrini

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Chapter 6.1 : Crossroads

I'm standing on a platform with room just enough for me to stay still, or move forward. Five paths lay before me, each leading in different directions. Some edges seem to crumble at the slightest pressure, while others seem strudy and firm. Some seem to wind and bend, while others seem straight and easy. Reveiling only the journey's start, a cloud of mist seem to shroud the end. Which path shall i journey into? For all i know, there's no turning back.

A path, stony and rough the path seems yet firm. The air was silent and still and I could only hear myself breathing heavily. Somehow my mind can't seem to bypass it. The path which I long to pace on since I realised what I like and what i'm good at. The path seem long and never ending. The journey seem stressful and perilous. But somehow, deep in my heart, I know that i'll like the end. But what if the end was not what i've expected it to be? What if I fall blindly into the abyss below and there's no one to cath my fall? Will my dream stay as a dream or will this path lead me on to something which i've always awaited for?

Painted with the brightest and livelest colours i've ever seen, this path is definately a road not to be behold. A faint glow of light it sends. The light touches my face as if a pair of arms taking me in. The path however seem frail and wobbly. The voices of my friends called out in a fun and welcoming tone. My heart seem to be lured by the light and the voices, but my mind paralysed my body. I hesitated. Shall I leap onto this path so that I can be with my friends? Shall I step onto this road so that I will feel belonged and maybe even happy at the end?

Lit with light which I was once drawn to, it felt like a bee drawn to his honey. The path sends the sweet scent of the blooming flowers of spring. The land was covered with thick lush which seem so soft to touch. The wind was calm and the air grew warm. I feel refreshed, suddenly having a meaning to live my life. The voices within the blinding light was of laughter and joy. The path winds occasionally but its foundation was of a mystery, for the soft grass has veiled them. Should I venture into such a territory to enjoy the gifts which are laid before me? Could my life be filled with joy which I long to grab a hold of?

Remote and sunny the other appears. Not a voice nor a sound could be heard. The path was rocky but smooth. The air was thick and hot. The Sun shone its burning rays upon the dry and forsaken land. I could see nothing there, alive. The whispers of the wind spoke softly in my ears as the desert sand blew past me. When my mind decided to turn form that path, my nose detected a faint and light stench of flora. My ears heard the gentle drippings of a waterfall. Such delights disguised at the end of the road, could I be fooled by what wasn't there but only on my mind?

I took a breath of the cold air and clamed myself, pondering over the paths before which I could'nt decide. What should I do? Which path should I take? Will I be facing joy or darkness at the end of the road? How do I decide?

Chapter 2.0a : I'll be there for you ...

Everyone has a dream. A dream that we chose and would love to pursue. You feel the need to get to them. You want to get to them. You feel empty without them. As the days pass, you think, work and long for that dream to come true. Chasing your dream, you would do everthing and anything to get it. The thought of it urges you to press on. Pressing into uncharted waters and shoving aside the hands which was once the one's which you loved.

Finally you got what you have longed seek. You've got the dream, the one dream which you've longed dreamt of. The joy and happiness cannot be explained. You've risen from the dark tunnel in which you have long stuck in. You feel the crowds cheering for you from all sides, all over the world. You feel that there's nothing in this world that you can't afford to get. You feel at the top of the world, at the peak of the mountain. The world is nothing more but a place to fulfill your daily pleasures.

As time passes, you'll find that your empty once again. You've gained all that you've ever wished for. Be it fame, money or greed. But there is no one to share it with. The people which you've once loved has been cast aside. You've lost track of what is important in life, the simple things in life. You've lost your family and your dearest friends, the ones which you love. You've lost the true meaning in life. Friends that stood by you through tough times. The family which supported everthing which you do. They fill your life with warmth and hope. They'll always be there to make you smile when your down. They stand by you no matter what. They wish you the best and respects you for who you really are. But now you're lost, alone, empty. You are lost and can never go home.

At the end of the day, you realised something. There are two greatest tragedy in life. One is to gain what you want, and one is to lose what you wanted. Sometimes life seem just unfair. But we only live once, one life, one chance. Live your life the way in which you'll have no regrets. Live it to fullest, with your friends and with you family.

One thing that i've learnt from my life so far, is to appreciate the simple yet subtle things in life; your family and friends. They are the ones that stood by you every step of the way. They stood by you no matter what. They accepted who you really are, be it good or bad. They smiled and joked about each other, but forgave and forgotten so that we could be friends again. These are the simple things which are important in life, even more then some dream of yours. These are the thing which meant something in life, what life is all about.

I know that i've screwed up as a friend and I admit and apologise for that. I know it's too late for this but I just wanted to do so. You've every reason to be pissed at me, but I could'nt turn back time as well. I was wasted then and I regret for how I treated you guys then. I was a fool, an idiot, a scum. I just could'nt bear to accept that you guys are leaving, after all that we've been through and now .. you're leaving, just like that. It was hard for me to accept, it never is easy. Now that i've realised and accepted what you guys really mean to me, I really regret for what i've done, said and acted. I'm not asking for much, only to be your friend once more. Please, forgive me ...

I just want to tell my friends that i'll always be there for you, even if I don't understand it. I'll be there for you no matter what. I promise ...

Chapter 6.0 : The search goes on ...

The Sun darkens as darkness stretched its heartless hands around the skies. The stars faded and the gentle glow of the full Moon soon vanished. The air grew freezing cold as a veil of mist slowly shroud the land far away. The leaves of the trees swayed and left with the wind, while the flowers on the earth lost its beautiful petals. The sky flashed lines of terror as it roared and rumbled in the darkened sky. The calm waters turned into a sea of death as its waves devoured the lands. The land was bare and lonely, not a life could be seen, felt or heard. The ground shakes like the very thum of a drum beat. The mist soon got heavy as my vision failed me.

Cursed with darkness and sorrow, my strength wanes and my spirit left me. The very meaning and essence of life has been taken from me. My knees weakens as I fell to the rocky ground. Water flowed reluctanly from my eyes as my breath grew short. Looking to the skys, I prayed and I wished. Hoping to see the light again ...